So, you’ve made the decision to reach out to a counsellor for some support and are wondering how best to prepare for your initial consultation or first appointment. This article will provide you with some ideas of how best to prepare you for what lies ahead. I’ve split things up based on preparation for your initial consultation and then for your first few counselling sessions, but you may notice that some elements are relevant for both.
Your initial consultation:
Expect this to be short. Initial consultations are usually shorter in length than an ongoing counselling session with most being 15-30 minutes long. I offer free 30-minute initial consultations, but some clients might not need all this time. The counsellor will likely have some set questions that they ask you. They will be gathering information about your reason for wanting counselling and the issues or struggles you are facing right now.
It can be hard. For some, this is the first time you are opening up about your situation and this can be a difficult process. That’s okay, remember just because something is challenging doesn’t mean it is a bad thing; in fact, when it comes to counselling, talking about the hard stuff and the emotions that you’ve bottled up for some time is a large part of the healing process. Remember, this is only a short consultation appointment for the counsellor to gauge where you’re at and if they can work with you. There will be plenty of time to go deeper into things once you decide this is the counsellor for you and begin your ongoing appointments.
Bring some notes. If you think you might find this appointment overwhelming, or a lot has happened that you think you might forget some key things it could be helpful to jot down some notes about what key events have happened in your life or the goal that you have in mind and have these to hand during the appointment if you feel you need them.
What questions might you want to ask your? Whilst the counsellor will be asking you questions to ascertain if they have the skills and expertise to work with you safely, the initial consultation is not a one-way interview. I would encourage you to have a think about what questions you might want to ask your counsellor to help you to decide if they are the right counsellor for you. Remember, this is a service you are paying for so it’s important you feel confident in your decision. I have a separate blog post all about questions you might want to ask your counsellor at initial assessment, but you can always think of your own too.
What questions do you need to ask yourself? I’ve put a couple of ideas down below but take some time to reflect and think if there are other things you need to consider before committing to counselling.
Do I feel comfortable with this person, can I trust them? This is arguably one of the most important questions. The therapeutic relationship between you and your counsellor is the foundation of the therapy. It is vital that you feel safe and valued in the counselling room as this will enable you to start opening up and begin exploring your feelings at a deeper level. For some clients this might take some time, but I would encourage you to listen to your instincts and decide for yourself if you feel that over time you would be able to trust this counsellor. It might be a case of having initial consultations with a few different therapists and seeing which one you feel will be the best fit for you.
If you’ve had counselling before what worked well, what didn’t? Are you coming with new things or were there areas which you want to come back to? What am I after this time? Counselling always requires a time commitment and, in most cases, a financial commitment too so you want to make sure you are working in a way that helps you. Reflecting on these questions can help bring clarity to you about talking these things through with your counsellor can ensure that you are both on the same page about the way in which you wish to work together.
Who is the counselling for? Do you really want this for yourself or are you just trying to please other people by having counselling? Take the time to consider if this is something you want. Counselling is unlikely to be effective if you don’t want to be there as it relies on the clients willingness to be open, engaged and reflective.
Counselling sessions:
Come with an idea or goal in mind. This will allow you and the counsellor to be able to measure your progress or identify when you have reached your desired point. This goal may well change as your sessions progress and that is okay, but it can help to bring focus to your sessions and clarity of purpose.
Factor whether you have the capacity right now to do the work. Regular attendance, particularly at the start can greatly improve results and speed of progress. But it’s not just about being physically present, you must be emotionally and psychologically ready to do the work too. As experienced as a counsellor might be, they are not responsible for ‘fixing’ you. You will not see any change or growth unless you are willing to show up and actively participate in and between sessions. This might mean being willing to reflect on your emotions, being honest with yourself and your counsellor or taking the time to journal or reflect between sessions. When you do this, not only are you likely to become more self-aware, but you will also become more experienced at learning your own cues and have the knowledge and skills to be able to help yourself. This will ultimately save you money as you’ll be able to continue the reflective work in your own time without the need to rely on a counsellor to prompt you.
Bring a notebook and pen. This is not an essential, but the counsellor might say things you want to remember, and jotting things down will definitely help. Life can be busy, and it can be easy to forget things. Taking notes or putting some of your own thoughts and reflections onto paper can allow you to reflect on the session during the week. You might also like to try journalling outside of counselling too, noting down your feelings, hopes, frustrations, letters to your younger self etc. This can help you to become more self-aware and can bring you some clarity for the future and healing from the past. It can also be a great way of looking back and seeing the changes and progress you have made. Your journal is private to you but there might be things that you have written down or reflected on that you would like to talk about with your counsellor.
Grab a drink. Most counsellors will offer you a drink of water or perhaps a hot drink, like tea or coffee but choices might be limited. I want my clients to feel comfortable in the room with me and sometimes having a drink for nervous hands to hold can be reassuring and comforting for them. You are taking the time out of your day to see your counsellor and do that self-care work so maybe take the opportunity to continue that by bringing in a nice drink for yourself. Or perhaps treating yourself to a drink in a café after your session. You can use this time to process some of your thoughts and feelings that came up for you, journaling them if you want to, a chance to unwind and reset a bit before continuing with the rest of your day.
Eat beforehand. Whilst counsellors will offer a drink, you won’t be allowed to eat in the therapy rooms so come fed. No one wants they’re stomach growling during a session – although saying that we’re all human and a loud stomach growl can help to break the ice!
Think about what people and events have shaped you. Some counsellors might like to understand your family dynamics/history or a timeline of significant events in your life. You will not be expected to come prepared with this all ready but you might want to spend some time thinking about your family or aspects of your life that might be helpful for understanding you more fully.
I hope this has given you some idea of how you can best prepare for the beginning of your counselling journey and reduced some of the anxious thoughts you have about what to expect. As your counsellor starts to get to know you and your relationship develops, I imagine you will find your own flow of what works for you and that becoming more open with them and with yourself will only get easier.
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